The LOTUS Within – Leadership, Resilience & Purpose with Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton

Deneen L. Garrett:00:02 00:26
Hello, hello, everybody, and welcome back to Women of Color, An Intimate Conversation. This week's guest is Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton. She is the author of The Lotus Within, Grow Your Purpose, and Ignite Your Passion. Dr. Amelia, welcome. Your journey is so inspiring. How do you personally define who you are beyond the titles and accolades?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:00:28 02:00 Hi, Deneen, thank you for having me for Women of Color. I'm excited to be here. So thank you so much for asking that question, because it's so important. So first, I would think that I'm very passionate about empowering women, and also I want them to embrace their full potential. So that's the reason why I wrote the book. And as a different roles that we have for myself, I'm a mother, I'm a wife, I'm a soldier, I'm a leader, I understand all of the challenges that we face in balancing all of those roles. That's why I've dedicated myself and also in supporting and a lifelong learning in mentoring other women, especially those that are often underrepresented. And also I spent over 32 years over 32 years in the military and my journey from enlisted to Colonel, it's given me a different perspective in resilience, leadership, and also purpose. It's not always about the rank or the title that we have. It's about the impact that we have with others. And finally, I see myself as a storyteller. I love hearing stories from family members on how we came about. And I believe in the power of sharing our stories and our struggles. So with The Lotus Within, it's a way for me to take my experience and turn them into tools so that other women can grow and also live their lives with strategic planning, time management, and prioritization.

Deneen L. Garrett:02:01 02:08 Yeah, so the title itself, The Lotus Within, is so powerful. What brought you to that title specifically?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:02:09 03:34 So what happened was I love flowers to begin with. And then I'm also very passionate about people blooming where they're planted. Oh, I love that. And then the lotus flower itself, it represents growth and resilience. Because as you know, the lotus flower grows in mud. And it's a symbolism and ability to rise from adversity. And also it remains pure and it blooms despite the challenges it faces. And in my career, in my life, I've often found myself navigating through those environments like the lotus flower. And whenever I talk to other women and talking about what my passion is and what I wanted to do to help them, Many of the things that I thought about when I talked to them is it came out to be that lotus flower because we're sometimes not everybody has the means to go fly all over the world or change their lifestyle. But if you bloom where you're planted, even though in the mud and it's dark, That's what Lotus, that flower specifically signifies. And also I was brainstorming with a friend and then I came up with the acronym for the Lotus. So it's Lifetime of Timeless Unbound Strategies. So it's also an acronym and also the flower.

Deneen L. Garrett:03:35 04:48 Okay, I love all of that, and I especially love Bloom Where You're Planted. I remember being in a role, the role of course I didn't like, it was just hectic, and then I said, you know what, this is where I am right now, so let me focus on it, blooming where I am, And, right, it was an and, and as a matter of fact, it came from a conversation I had with someone and she was talking about how in the Bible, you know, the 40 years when, you know, wandering and was basically saying that they didn't have to wander. If they would have kind of bloomed where they were planted. And so, you know, I thought about that and I said, you know what, this is where I'm at. So there's no need to wander. Let me focus on where I'm at. Let me put the energies into that. And also, put in the work to go to where I wanted to be. And things turned around for me after that, right? And it's really about your perspective, which I'm sure you write about in your book. So let's kind of talk about, you mentioned leadership, you mentioned resilience and purpose. So as you've said, you served over 30 years in the US Army, rising from enlisted to Colonel. What's one defining leadership lesson you learned along the way?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:04:49 05:48 So to me, the main thing, based on my experience in the timeframe, it went by fast. So it's about influence. So I think it's earning trust and also showing empathy to the people you're leading, because it's really not about, again, the title or the rank. It's do they trust you and are you willing to be vulnerable with your team? Are you willing to tell them, hey, I messed up yesterday, I'm sorry, versus, oh, brush it off and say, oh, well, I messed up. But it's the ownership of being human. And also, it's not about being perfect. It's that authenticity and also demonstrating integrity. Because they'll know. We live in a glass house when you're in a leadership position. So everybody sees what you're doing, personal or professionally. So through your actions and leading with purpose, they will follow you wherever you go.

Deneen L. Garrett:05:48 06:37 Yeah, absolutely. Folks are always watching, right? Whether you're in a leadership position or anything, they're always watching. They're not necessarily speaking on it, but people are watching and paying attention to what you're doing. So it is definitely up to us individually to decide, well, what do we want people to see? What do we want people to know about us? Yes. And this podcast is about women of color. It's about empowering women of color to live their dream lifestyles. You've talked about how you, you know, your book is for and the things that you do, how you live your life is to empower and help marginalized, historically marginalized, underrepresented people. So women of color in leadership, in general, we face unique challenges. What barriers have you personally had to break through?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:06:39 08:48 Very good question. And it really dives into what we need to talk about. Because there are certain things that we kind of like brush through, but this one definitely as a woman of color in a predominantly male environment. I mean, I'm in the army, for goodness sake. I mean, the population is only 1%, and then 1% of that is even smaller. And then being a colonel, it's like 0.0001. So in that environment, I've had to challenge stereotypes. I think that's the main thing that I would think about, and overcoming biases. Like whenever I come into a room, When I'm in uniform, they have, and the rank, they see that. But if I come in civilian clothes, they see me, I'm Asian, I'm female, I'm smaller than most of the men. There's stereotypes that they think that I will not be a good leader, pretty much, is the projection of their biases. So it's more breaking down barriers for myself. And I've always tried to focus on opening doors for others. And I also tend to gravitate towards leaders that do the same. So I love reading biographies of senior leaders, especially women like General West. I'm sure you're familiar with her. General West was the first African-American female Surgeon General for the Army. She's like the epitome of a leader to me. She was stern and also was able to communicate effectively and also approachable. So those are the things that I think about. Collectively, when I succeeded, it was more that the others saw the possibility for themselves too. And I think the senior leaders that I've had have done the same for me and I want to pay it forward by doing the same for others. And it's always how many people can I bring up with me is what, my main intent is not just women, not just minorities, but I think for everyone that has proven themselves and have shown potential.

Deneen L. Garrett:08:49 10:11 Yeah. And so something that I'm hearing throughout this conversation is, is that you are bringing others along. Like what you're doing is not just for yourself. It's also for other people. And it might even be a little bit more important for you to do for others, as opposed to just for yourself. And I think that that's something I mean definitely I admire that it reminds me of when I was in corporate my chief diversity officer, people, there was an acronym has to HHS you hook a sister up. Right, hook a sister up. And so basically what you're saying, bring others along, especially when you have. I believe that when you're given a lot, a lot is expected of you. And so for those people who lean into that, I mean, big ups to them, right? Truly admire those people. And it sounds like that's you. And by being you, being that person, you've also attracted other people who are the same way. So I love that. So of course, I know you're mentoring, you're coaching, right? Because it just sounds like it's natural. It's a given. What's the biggest mindset shift women need to step into leadership confidently? How do we need to start thinking differently to be confident leaders?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:10:11 10:56 Yes, I think the biggest shift is embracing your worth and realizing that your voice matters. You can't be that meek person on the side of the table. In fact, be at the table, find yourself to be on that table to make sure that you voice your opinion. So too often women, especially women of color hold back and they fear judgment or doubt themselves and their ability to lead. It's that imposter syndrome. But leadership isn't about being perfect. It's just showing up and also being confident and willing to learn. And I definitely encourage women to stop waiting to give be given permission to do these and start leading where you are.

Deneen L. Garrett:10:56 11:19 Yeah, so that going back to that bloom where your planet right. Right, absolutely. And another thing too, so women in corporate in particular, right, and I'm sure it happens in your field as well, is that, for an example, there's a new job, there's a job opportunity. Women, we're like, oh, let me check what's required. Oh, only me, like five things. So we don't go for it.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:11:19 11:24 I know, but like, it's not, they're not going to pick me, so I'm not even going to try.

Deneen L. Garrett:11:25 12:15 And I'm like this, if you want it, go for it. Like, I don't even really care what the requirements are. It's really about if you want it, because if you want it, you're going to put in the work to make it happen. And so that's what I say. If you, I was talking to someone, she's like, oh, I want to, you know, do this. The role is available, but I'm not going to go for it just yet. Well, why? I wanted, you know, I asked her questions because I wanted to make sure that her reason for not going for it yet was not what I just said. I wanted her reasons to, You know, like, what are those reasons? I don't want you to think the imposter syndrome. I don't want her to, you know, I didn't want her to think that, oh, I'm not worthy of it or, you know, like, no, I'm just I don't want it just yet. Oh, OK, well, good. And if that's the reason, that's fine. But if it were those other things, no, absolutely. Do you want it? And if the answer is yes, I say go for it.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:12:15 12:15 Yeah.

Deneen L. Garrett:12:16 12:25 And so you mentioned imposter syndrome. I just mentioned imposter syndrome. Have you experienced it personally? And if so, how did you push past it?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:12:26 13:49 I think it's ingrained in us. I think it will never go away, but in a way, it's not a bad thing because then you keep yourself humble. So yes, absolutely. I've experienced imposter syndrome. In the military, there were many times that I doubted myself. Am I enough? Am I the right rank for this position? Because we compete for these jobs and the cream of the crop are the ones that are chosen. So to be taken seriously, especially as I move up in the ranks, I have to remind myself that imposter syndrome is a sign that you're pushing boundaries. You're pushing the envelope. Because when you're feeling as if you're inadequate, you have to focus on the facts. the quantitative information, what's my accomplishments, my dedication, and also the value that I bring to the table. And also, I lean on a lot of mentors, and they remind me that I'm deserving. So a little pick me up from another person, or just your accountability partner, or your sister, or whoever it is. And it's always not easy. So pushing past those feelings and also leaning into your strengths and also owning your space. So I think that's a way that we can negate the experience and the feeling of imposter syndrome.

Deneen L. Garrett:13:50 14:29 Yeah, absolutely. Owning your space. I love that. And so you mentioned, you know, that you do reach out to your mentors. And so, you know, I've read and I do believe that have a board of directors, have your team of people who support you and have different people, right? Have people who think differently, who look differently because you want those different perspectives to help you as you navigate, especially when you're in such a competitive space as yourself and then in corporate wanting to go higher, you do need those other people to kind of weigh in and to help you to move along. Yep.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:14:30 14:41 And also you you don't have to be the smartest person at the table, you just have to know who to reach out to, who the subject matter experts are, depending on where you are. Absolutely.

Deneen L. Garrett:14:42 14:57 Knowing who to reach out to. Like that's the knowledge. That's right. So your career spans military service, medicine, and education. How do you balance purpose and passion across multiple disciplines?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:14:58 15:57 For me, you mentioned it, it's about that purpose. What am I here for? Because if I'm in the wrong room, I shouldn't be there. So there's a lot, like you said, the army, the medicine, education. I also do research. I do a lot of mentoring. I do a lot of writing. It's always about serving others. And I've learned the balance really is everything doesn't have to be perfect. It means aligning your passions, and also with your core purpose, which to me, it's always been helping other people. And I found fulfillment in each of those, because even with every part of those roles, it's always lifting somebody else up and also leaving that legacy of positive impact. And also balancing them requires intentional time management and that prioritization that I mentioned, and also an understanding that sometimes you'll need to let go of perfection. You can only do so much in the time that you're allotted.

Deneen L. Garrett:15:58 16:26 Yeah. And again, what I'm hearing the theme is that you're driven by your purpose and your purpose is to impact others, to bring others along, to push others forward. And I think that's a beautiful thing. Cause yeah, you just mentioned a lot, like I'm doing all these different things and those things, it's a lot to that. And so, How do you find a time and what is your passion? Your passion is driving you, it's moving you forward.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:16:27 17:34 Yes, so a lot of it is I identify what I have to be there myself in person or virtual. And then I look at the tasks, it's basically triaging as a medical term, it's figuring out which one and then the other is which ones can I delegate, which one? It has to be done but it doesn't have to be me, and I can't expect it to be 100% the way I would do it so I'm, I'm good with 80%. And also whenever you delegate, you're also helping develop that individual that you delegated to. to build confidence, and then you're guiding them along the way to completion. So that's another way of mentoring. And then the other is, if it's not important, maybe you shouldn't, you're not the one. Maybe you give it to somebody else that's more qualified. Like, you know, thank you for the invitation. However, I'm not qualified. I recommend X. Or it's something that's really not within your wheelhouse. I know I can't do it. Sorry. So, so those are the triage of the me.

Deneen L. Garrett:17:34 17:45 And I'm going to throw this one in here too. I was just a call right before a wellness call. And this woman was saying like, yeah, I don't want to do it.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:17:47 17:55 I don't want to do it. I'm not doing it. I think that should be like when you're doing a decision tree, I think that's number one.

Deneen L. Garrett:17:56 18:32 Do I really want to do this? No. So like, kind of start, and that goes to knowing what it is that you want, right? Out of life, how you want your life to be. So for those who are watching, those who are listening, so we are talking about resilience. We're talking about leadership. We're talking about purpose. And so Dr. Amelia has written a book, The Lotus Within. And so a lot of what we're talking about is in her book or help to form the book itself. So Dr. Moya, what's one practical step women can take today to start living with more purpose?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:18:33 19:37 Sure. I've done a few of these, but the one that I really wanted to hone on is Focus on yourself, because a lot of times you're focusing on your child, you're focusing on your spouse, you're focusing on other things. Focus on yourself and reflect. So one simple and profound step is every day, you can focus on yourself by doing a reflection. In the military, we call it an AAR, after action review. What happened yesterday? How did you do yesterday? What went well? What needs improvement? And what can you do better? And then for today, you take five minutes to ask yourself, what am I grateful for? What's my purpose? It's so easy to get into that loss in that hustle every day, right? Because there's things to do. People want you in different places. But you need to pause and connect and figure out what you're here for, right? And start living with intention. So purpose isn't a distant goal. It's really carrying yourself every day of every moment.

Deneen L. Garrett:19:39 20:15 Yeah, I love that. Purpose, connecting with yourself, putting yourself first. I mean, that is so important. And we've forgotten that a lot of us has forgotten that and that's why there's so such a buzz around self-care and self-love all those things right and burnout yeah burnout like we forgot about ourselves it's like oh me i'm here yes you have to take care of you first that's why on a plane what do they say put your mask on first so that's right Right? It's real. I love that. Yeah. So what's next for you? Any upcoming projects or initiatives you're excited about?

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:20:16 21:16 Sure. So I, I'm excited to continue growing the conversations on the Lotus within. So I'm, um, I did a couple of book signings already locally, and I have a couple more coming up and the book is available on, on major online bookstores like Amazon and, uh, Barnes and Noble and books a million. and also locally. And also in the, I would like to do some executive coaching in the future. So I'm prepping myself for that. And I already built a course on it that's based on the book. Actually, the course came before the book. It's just that I want to share this to as many women as I can. And I think at some point you have to say, you know, even guys can benefit from this. And it's a gift for those, for those men that have somebody important in their lives that, hey, you need to read this. It's a spouse or whoever, even for themselves. So I think for the most part, it's always what I can do to help other people.

Deneen L. Garrett:21:17 21:52 Yeah, no, absolutely and great point about other people can benefit, and that is the case, even though you know things are like maybe focus. For certain group, but anyone can benefit right, I have people who listen like Ukraine like who's listening to women of color in Ukraine. It's like, okay. Okay. Aren't you like being bummed? But that's the point. Like everybody can learn something from someone like take what you take, what, what you want to take.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:21:52 21:52 Right.

Deneen L. Garrett:21:52 22:09 You don't have to take it all, but take what you want to take. Right. And then even come back for a little bit more so you can do that as well. So I definitely will share in the show notes. We will have links to. how to stay connected with you, your website, social media, all the things.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:22:09 22:38 Yes. And I also have a blog that I've been covering every Sunday. Okay. So I've started that as recommended by my publisher. So, cause the book is a workbook. It's not just read it and say, Oh, got it. Thanks for the information. It's you have homework, right? You need to go in there and journal and write things down and reflect. and it's actionable, you know? And it gives you all kinds of things that will help you now and help you for your future.

Deneen L. Garrett:22:38 22:48 Yeah, I was just looking through. So we have the website, you're on X, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Amazon. So we have you.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:22:48 22:49 I'm everywhere.

Deneen L. Garrett:22:52 22:53 You can't avoid me now.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:22:53 22:56 You can't stay away like that. I tried. Here I am.

Deneen L. Garrett:22:59 23:09 All right, so before we wrap, one final message. What's your advice to women of color striving for leadership and impact? So what you haven't shared already.

Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton:23:12 24:03 Stand firm in your identity. Never doubt your worth. And also leadership is about making space for yourself. And creating that kind of change you want to see right you can I learned this when I became a major, because, because we like to complain, we like to say so and so it's not doing something up there. And then one of my senior leader said you can't say that anymore because you know like. You got someone. You got someone up there. That's right, because you are the one that's up there now. You can't complain anymore. So be the solution that you're looking for. And don't wait for opportunities. Create them. And always remember that your voice matters, and your experience are valuable, and you have the power to lead with purpose and passion, no matter what challenges are ahead of you.

Deneen L. Garrett:24:04 24:22 Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. That's right. Love all of that. That's right. Well, Dr. Amelia Duran-Stanton, thank you so much for letting your voice on women of color in intimate conversation and enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you so much, Deneen. You're welcome.