Dream Within a Dream - How ♛ Olivia Lives a Dream Life through Writing

Deneen L. Garrett  0:02 

Welcome to another episode of an intimate conversation with women of color. I am your host Deneen L. Garrett and today I'm excited to have guest and author Olivia. Olivia, tell us more about you.

♛ Olivia  0:17 

Hi, I am a contemporary romance writer. That means that I write stories set in the present. I write stories about successful black women falling and finding the right man to have their happily ever after.

Deneen L. Garrett  0:34 

I love that I love I'm excited for this conversation. So you know, you're USA Today best selling M ima award? Yes. And multiple award winning author who loves a good laugh coupled with some stream mixed in with a man and woman finding their way past the words of I love you. Yes. What is funny, you're way past the words of I Love You look like, and what strategies can women of color use to do this and to tap into their power and voice?

♛ Olivia  1:08 

Okay. But that is an absolutely awesome question. Because people will see the profile and say, okay, so I know what we're having a little bit of steam. Usually when you read a romance, the whole story is set up to get the rain, get down, get down the owl, you know, get to the altar, get to the honeymoon. But what happens after the I love you? How do you actually build a relationship that last? And I can say this, because this year, I'm celebrating I think 33 years of marriage, okay? I know. Right? Right. And we're still really good friends. But I had to start looking at my relationship as this is my best friend. And there are things that you will and won't do for your best friend and you have that line, this is my this is my bestie This is my ride or die. Why can't we apply that to the person that we're sharing this life with? You know, and when you think about getting past the I love you, it is difficult sometimes if you have a friend that's never been married, or friend that doesn't have kids, for them to understand how you have to continue to love somebody, especially after they disappoint you. Yeah. And there becomes a point in every woman's life where she sees her father, for who he actually is. And she starts to wonder what the my mom was seeing you, Mama stayed with you. But you also have that point in your own relationships where you see this man that you've chosen to share your life with this man that you've chosen to have a family with, that you've seen him at a low point or a vulnerable point, or ham being less than the idea that you had in your head of what your husband and your man was supposed to be. And he becomes this very human, human human person. And I love you. Do I love you that much? So how do you work past that? And I try to incorporate those scenarios into my romance novels, that lets you see that no, is not always going to be ideal. Yeah, but is the problem really that big? Or are you making it that big? To where it's going to become this albatross that's going to hang around in your relationship for the duration? So when I say see and pass the I love you, that's what I'm talking about.

Deneen L. Garrett  2:40 

And that is so important, right? Because, you know, like, you talked about the wedding and so many people are like, so excited for the ceremony. And don't necessarily, you know, look past of course, you know, there are people who go through premarital counseling, but you know, that period of time, and again, that is really just to get to the wedding part. And how much you know, do they take into beyond that. So I love that your focus is that beyond, but ever.

♛ Olivia  2:57 

The other thing is, you'll see I'm Sorry, I interrupted, I just had a thought I just got to share it. But you'll see people going through all of that for the wedding, paying 1000s and 1000s of dollars for a wedding to go back home and live in an apartment. Mm hmm. So the money that you spent on that wedding could be a down payment on a home, a condo, or the ownership of something and the wedding becomes this goal. You know, I want this this goal, but we'll talk about that but dreams deferred and living the dream, but you have that you have that goal in mind. Have, okay, I want to be get married. And I want to have the princess dress with the fishtail at bottom. And I want all my friends and family to be there. And we're going to do this and we're going to do that. But you have an accountant for what's going to come after that.

Deneen L. Garrett  5:14 

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, for me, of course, I will love the wedding. And I'm more focused on the, the actual celebration, as opposed to spending so much money on a wedding. It's kind of, you know, after the time with your family, of course, I want a nice ring, and I'm gonna keep it. Really want that, you know, yes. But as far as the actual ceremony, like, I haven't really never given thought as to what I want that to look like. I definitely do know that it's more, you know, afterwards with just gathering with people and sharing love. And then you know, thinking about like, Okay, now let's sustain this, right? How do we, how do we move past? You know, saying, I love you? And actually, on the days that I don't like you? How do we move beyond that?

♛ Olivia  6:01 

Exactly. Why? Why? The same place? The basket is right there. Why can't you just and after about five years of those thoughts being on the floor, right in front of the basket, you're just like, You know what? I still love you because you put your socks in the basket. Right?

Deneen L. Garrett  6:28 

So just, you know, taking a few steps back. So I'm a single woman. I'm sure some of our audience are single women as well. How do we even get to even a part of I love you?

♛ Olivia  6:42 

How do you get there?

Deneen L. Garrett  6:44 

Yeah. Do you talk about any of that in your book?

♛ Olivia  6:48 

Yes. The women that are right, they have reached this pinnacle of success. And they have everything they've ever wanted. They have the money. I have written billionaire stories, but my billionaire has been a black woman. Okay, that's Wyoming knights, if you're wondering what it was, is Wyoming knights, okay. But once you reach that point, when you cross the threshold, they're coming into the home? Are you still trying to be the woman in charge? Or are you trying to be the best woman you could be in support of this relationship and support of this man, you don't have to subjugate yourself. But are you speaking and talking to him? As somebody who you like, and somebody who you respect? Are you making decisions for your career, that is going to impact him in a way that's going to exclude him from the journey. Okay, because we can get to a point where we're being so successful, that we're forgetting about that support system that's behind you getting there, you know. And we forget to be vulnerable. We're so used to being strong, being strong for everybody, including ourselves being strong in the workplace, having to stand your ground and not take this from Karen over in, in accounting and HR, that we bring that into our homes. And sometimes when you get home, you don't need to do all that just be just be.

Deneen L. Garrett  8:42 

And you know what, so I love that you're heroine is a woman right? And a woman billionaire, and some of your books. And it reminds me of a previous interview that I had with Kimberly, Bachelor Davis, who's also an author, and she also writes black romance as well as others. And we were having a conversation about, you know, watching TV and how I see a lot of times you'll have these women, these these strong, successful black women, but then they are in relationships with men who are not, let's say, on their level. So in your book, how does that play out? Like are the men you know, are they billionaires as well? Or, you know, how does that go?

♛ Olivia  9:29 

That's okay. I have a warped sense of humor. Okay. I thought it would be hilarious I started writing a mail a modern mail order bride series, because my my bestie she was writing mail order brides and this always you know, the woman on the wagon try and go on list. I'm like, I'm gonna write mail order brides but her name I'm being Laquanda and she gon marry Jerry who lives in a yurt out in the woods. And so I paired these women up with blue Column maintenance. Okay. And guys that know how to fix things. Nothing drives me crazy. If something breaks in the house, if you gotta go get the phone book, I'm dating myself, or he's, you know, Googling, trying to find a repair man, it's a major turn on, when something breaks, if he can fix it, that is sexy, and sexy. And you standing there holding the tools like you. You need this. You know? So those are the kinds of characters that are right. That yeah, he's very Handi capable. Now I also write I write African American, but I also write interracial, because sometimes, you know, your hero may not be named Jamal. And, and sometimes you may not be open to it. And then there are times that you may be like, Well, maybe it's time for something new. Maybe it's time for something different. Maybe I'm limiting myself in allowing love to find me by having this preconceived notion of how it should be packaged. So I play around that with that as well.

Deneen L. Garrett  11:10 

Okay, okay. No, that's awesome. So out of your genres, your characters, who's your favorite?

♛ Olivia  11:20 

I always say that my favorite is the one that I'm currently writing, okay. Okay, because I have to fall in love with each of those man. Okay. And every book is never the same guy, you know, at least I hope it's not. I try to make sure that it's not, I have to fall in love. And you can tell how in love I am with the character by how he presents himself on the page. If I'm in love with him, I know you will be too when you read him.

Deneen L. Garrett  11:57 

Absolutely beautiful. So just thinking about, you know, your characters thinking about the love that you're pouring into your books. You know, this podcast is about elevating the voices of women of color. What strategies can women of color use to move past or find their way past I love you and tap into their power and voice.

♛ Olivia  12:21 

Be open. That's the first step, be open. As women of color, we can be very closed off. Because we have had so much pain, so much trauma, so many things happening in our lives that we're constantly we wake up and we hit the floor running. And by the time we get home and we stop, we're absolutely mentally, emotionally just drained. And if we can stop and give ourselves license to be happy, then you will be the moment that you give somebody else the power over your happiness. Hang on me, I think you're gonna be miserable. And you're gonna walk around all day, like you smell something terrible. You know? Right. Right. And you become unapproachable. You know, and the people who do want to approach you like, you know what? You know, but are you presenting this image to where that person feels like he has a chance? Yeah, you know. And you can be opened and just cordial and warm. And he'll find you.

♛ Olivia  13:47 

Yeah, you know,

♛ Olivia  13:49 

I want to beat up I want to be fair, or she'll fighting. Yeah.

Deneen L. Garrett  13:54 

Right. Right, right. So thinking of I'm thinking about several years ago, I was with my director at the time, we were at a festival, a concert festival. And I remember her saying to me, girl, you have blinders on all these men are trying to get your attention. So that be open is definite. I mean, that's for me. You know, and I'm like, I didn't even know what she said. What do you mean? And I don't see it. I did not see. I had no idea what she was talking about.

♛ Olivia  14:20 

If you've ever gone out with that friend, that she has it cranked up to 10 all the time. And you're like, we just want to have a drink. We don't want every guy in here coming over to the table and they're coming over to the table because she has it turned up. You know, and there are times when you have to figure out when do I turn it up? When do I go from to how you doing? You know, sometimes it can be so subtle in the movement that you know, he's paying attention, you know,

Deneen L. Garrett  14:57 

yeah, so yeah, so that does Definitely, you know, for me be open, that's huge because it means a lot. And you know what? There's so much vulnerability in that. Yes, as well. And so I'm sure that you know, a lot of women they're not because they're, you know, what does that look like? Like the you know what she does a stripe being with your friend. And if your friend is always on, you know, your friend doesn't have to be open because she's already open, right? She doesn't have to turn it on. Because that is already her whereas with you a different person, it's an effort for you. And there's so much that comes with that.

♛ Olivia  15:35 

Yes, yes, it is. But you know, what, your friend being always turned up? You know, it makes you immediately want to turn down. And I say to that, find somebody else to go out with?

Deneen L. Garrett  15:49 

Yeah, yes. Yes. Ma'am, with someone who's always attracting, you know, just attention and you don't always want that attention. And or, okay, well, cool. She got it. Let me just pull back. And still, you know, that person who's who's the pulling back person is still, you know, leaving, leaving empty. Exactly, even empty. So, you know, you talked about later we'll get into this I want to Unpivot honor my late sister, author and poet Sol true by asking about dream Safari, which is basically just a dream that was delayed. dreams deferred is the title of one of her books, please, your dreams deferred moment.

♛ Olivia  16:36 

My writing life is my dream deferred. Okay. I started out in the 80s as a journalist, and I wanted to do television news. But in the 80s, they didn't have, you know, people on the news that look like me, okay. Most people on the news, you know, a fair complected long hair, you know, that kind of thing. So I did radio news and print news, and I still always love, right. But in in between all of that, you know, I served in the army as enlisted soldier, as an officer I got married, became a mom became a stay at home mom. While he was deployed to another continent, I ended up taking a job at the university that I got to go to grad school for free. And then as my son got older, and got to the point where I could go back to work, and have a regular job, I've, you know, I ended up working marketing for Nestle and Electrolux and just all of these different companies. And I went back to school again and got my doctorate. And I was teaching, and I had just gotten to the point where I'm just, I'm just tired. So in 2012, I left teaching, and I came home and my husband was like, Well, you've been teaching people to write for so long. Why don't you write? And so I wrote a little short story. I self published it. The lady in the story, she had a peanut allergy, and I had her eating Snickers. I know, I know. And I came back two days later, and I had sold like 500 copies of it. Well, let me fix this. And people started writing the I put up like a one page website, that upon a contact, people started writing them and what happens next and start what happens next and story. And then I started like an idiot because I didn't know any better. I started looking at the reviews and the reviews was like, well, she's no CMA. So she's no pepper pace. And I came from a literature background. I call this Yeah, and I started looking and I'm like, oh, okay, so they write. Also, that's what this is called. Because I didn't know what the genre was. I didn't know there was a such thing as interracial romance. I had no idea. I was just fooling around with it. And then I saw a review that said, is too much sex. And I'm like,

Deneen L. Garrett  19:20 

no such thing. There's too much sex.

♛ Olivia  19:23 

Wait a minute, hold my pen. So I sat down and I start writing the Blakemore files. It's like Mr. And Mrs. Smith. Meet Sally and Jane, the neighbors, okay. I say what happens if she wakes up, handcuffed to this giant white man, a covenant something sticky and we're in wedding ring? Okay. And it started selling internationally. Okay, there was the I still have five people in India, and seven people in Austria. Are you there by thing I write, but I was six books into the series. And I was at a conference and I stood up and I was talking about it. And I said the Blakemore files have absolutely no sex. And the room got quiet. I said, See you Okay, tell me I came, right. You didn't even miss it. Huh? Yeah.

Deneen L. Garrett  20:23 

Now, do you know what the appeal to the folks in India? And where did you say the other place?

♛ Olivia  20:30 

Australia?

Deneen L. Garrett  20:31 

Yeah. Do you know what the appeal was to them?

♛ Olivia  20:35 

No. Yeah, I have I have male readers that I have a series that the male readers absolutely love. And every now and then they'll send me a note. Yeah. And that'd be just like, Yeah, okay. They like that one.

Deneen L. Garrett  20:55 

Right. And, you know, so I asked that question, because when I'm looking at my, like, analytics, number one for my audience is definitely the US. Number two is Belgium. And number three is Singapore. And, you know, this podcast, like I said, it's about elevating the voices of women of color. So it's just interesting to me, that they are, you know, interested in listening. In those countries. You know, Belgium is not known to be a place of color. And Singapore, you know, for the most part, they're all Asian. Now, we in the US, you know, do categorize that as of color. However, in their own country, they're not necessarily of color, because they're all Asian. So I just keep

♛ Olivia  21:38 

Now keep in mind, there are African Americans, there are black people who live in Belgium. And there are black people who live in Singapore, now, sometimes their military, or they have a military affiliation, or some state department affiliation. Or they could be working for an American company that's based in those countries. Yeah. No, that's a great point. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, they they were following or a friend or relative say, Well, you got to tune in, you got to read this. You got to get this, you know, and that's a lot of times how it comes about.

Deneen L. Garrett  22:15 

So yeah, so just shouting out. My audience in Belgium and Singapore, thank you so much. And tap in and let me know, you know, what, yeah, we see you and love it. And to all of my listeners, as a matter of fact, and those who may watch on YouTube, I appreciate everybody. But it was just something that, you know, stood out to me. And it was it was so interesting. And I just wonder, so, let's talk about dream lifestyles. So I last year made the decision that I was going to live a dream lifestyle and living a dream lifestyle means something differently to different people. And I also decided that I was going to empower women of color to live a dream lifestyle. What is a dream lifestyle? And how do you live a dream life?

♛ Olivia  23:03 

Well, I just rolled in from Hilton Head what I spent the week was my my annual right in, check.

Deneen L. Garrett  23:17 

okay

♛ Olivia  23:17 

Dream lifestyle can be something so different for different ones. For example, you can go to a restaurant with a friend, and your friend is at the table taking all the salt and all the condiments, you know, because in her mind, you know, I'm keeping this I'm keeping this. So dreams are different. My dream lifestyle, what I always wanted to do, I always wanted to be on the road as an author, I wanted to go to book signings, I wanted to be the one behind the table. signing books. So now I'm actually on the road the first six months of the year. Last year, year before last I had the opportunity to go on the Tom Joyner cruise. Oh, yeah. They booked me to come in and teach a workshop so I taught a workshop on sea days. And it was one of those experiences that I've always wanted to do. But you know that cruise is kind of so you want me to teach what else you want me to do the right to carry luggage. Lisa keys what you did. But my dream lifestyle is its author life being able to get away and write and be able to get out there. I have a book that's releasing on Tuesday, the number 10 book in my technician series. And so February kicks off my my travel gear. So I'll start in Daytona Beach. at Coastal magic on February 23, and then I'll leave there on Sunday heading to Orlando to board a ship to go teach for another publishing company. And then when I come back, it's more things like that. So I'm on the road all the way through June, July, with either teaching or talking about my books, and I'm just so upset looks like. So to me, that's, that's my dream lifestyle, to be able to sit in this room where I am and write these stories, and then get out there and talk to people who rehearse about the concepts and how I pulled it all together.

Deneen L. Garrett  25:46 

Yeah. So in essence, for you is your writing, your passion around your writing, and what your writing allows you to do, how the life you're writing allows you and I hear traveling here, so for me, like my number one is travel, you know, like, travel is my number one. So I definitely understand that now before I ask this last question, Olivia. That's, that's how I introduce you. And with Beyonce who we are who we are. With just Olivia.

♛ Olivia  26:22 

Okay, so what's the question I'm sorry.

Deneen L. Garrett  26:24 

Tell us how you're just Olivia. That's how introduce you that was in your that was in your profile?

♛ Olivia  26:31 

Well, it's Olivia Gaines. It's my olive you guys as my mother's maiden name. At the time when I when I had began writing, I was still teaching and I could just see students. I read your book. It wasn't that good. Well, I read your essay. Let's not be judgmental here. You know, so I use my mother's maiden name, but it is Olivia Gaines. I am older than a lot of the the romance writers that are out there, you know, so they usually refer to me as OG. Okay. So I miss Olivia, here comes OG, you know? So it is Olivia games, so.

Deneen L. Garrett  27:10 

Okay. I was like, Okay, well, that was interesting. Like just Olivia and it's all. Okay, is there a story behind this? So, before we wrap, what would you like to leave the listeners, and those who are watching with

♛ Olivia  27:28 

the story can have a happily ever after they can have a happy ending. But it's up to you to be happy. And you are the captain of your own happiness ship. Get on there and enjoy your life. Because as you've been noticing in the news, these people are just they're here today and gone tomorrow. If I had to worry if I was notified that next week was my last week. Can I look down at the paper and the notebook on my desk and say, did I do what I was put here to do? Did I use the talents that I was given? Did I use my talents wisely. I love teaching. I love writing. I have combined the two to make myself a dream lifestyle. i The dream that I had it was different so that I could become wife and mother. But I'm living the dream. I'm loving my life. And I am just I'm I'm happy. I love that.

Deneen L. Garrett  28:37 

I love that for you and I so appreciate you joining us today and sharing your your passion around your writing how that is you live in a dream life. I so appreciate you Olivia. Oh gee, Olivia.

♛ Olivia  28:54 

Thank you so much for having me on an intimate conversation.,

Deneen L. Garrett  28:56 

You're welcome and enjoy the rest of your day. You too. Thank you

Transcribed by https://otter.ai