Awards in Excellence: How to Take Control of Your Life with Dr. Carol Parker Walsh

Deneen L. Garrett  0:02 

Welcome to another episode of an intimate conversation with women of color. I am your host Deneen L. Garrett. And today's guest is Dr. Carol Parker wash. She is a Career Strategist and executive coach. Dr. Carol, tell us more about you.

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  0:20 

Wow. Well, I I'm so funny when I get these questions, I always want to start it like it was a cold winter day and I was born. But I'll just give you a little bit about my background I Well, first of all, I'm a mother to a young adults, which I'm excessively proud of them both and I'm happy to be their mom. But I was a labor and employment attorney for 10 years practice in Chicago and then concluded practicing and it was in the Pacific Northwest. I've been an HR director and organizational consultant and then went back for my doctorate focusing in organizational development and human development, where I started doing a lot of work with organizations doing diversity development, organizational consulting, a lot of executive coaching, team development, training leaders, creating programs to train and promote people into the first time level of leadership and into senior level leadership positions. And then in academia, I taught and directed leadership programs and train the next generation of people who are coming into, into academia into the workplace in leadership roles before I decided to launch my own practice, at the precipice of my 50th birthday after going through a divorce and actually a near fatal car accident and decided that I really wanted to work with women and helping them to fearlessly take control of their life and careers, particularly women at midlife. And you're dealing with so many challenges and are trying to come back into their own, and to really support them in whatever their next iteration of their life and career was, whether it be promoting into where they are transitioning into something completely different. Or starting an absolutely new venture like I did it to entrepreneurialism. So, and that's, that's a little bit about me.

Deneen L. Garrett  2:11 

Well, that's awesome. And you know, we have some similarity. So I was, I retired in June, from a 20 plus year career in corporate and I did work in the diversity and inclusion space, as well as talent development. So you've mentioned human development. So tell me a little bit about what human development is?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  2:31 

Yeah, well, human development looks at how we discover our identity and who we are over the course of our lifespan. So studying a lot of human developmentalist, and psych psychologists who talk about, you know, how we figure out who we are. So my focus was really around identity development along the intersection of race, gender, and, and more recently, I've been looking more around the intersection of race, gender, and age, and how that impacts how we figure out who we are, how we make decisions in life, how it impacts our self esteem, and our self awareness, and how we just kind of move forward in life.

Deneen L. Garrett  3:12 

So what's something that just stood out to you that you had no idea that that was, you know, a situation

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  3:20 

in terms of the understanding of identity development, that type of thing? Yes, yeah. Well, you know, I think the thing that was, I think I knew this intuitively, but through understanding and studying it, just understanding that when you look at human development and human development literature, it's very patriarchal, and very white. And so there's not a lot of room for, or understanding of how these principles apply to others who are not, you know, maybe wealthy middle class to wealthy white, European kind of background and a lot of the literature out there does support or it studies that type of phenomena. And so for me, that was relatively surprising, which is why I chose to, you know, look at that literature, but look at it in connection through a lens of structural inequity, and how the understanding of our historical legacy and how we live as women and as women of color in a very racially and gender biased system, and how that impacts our development. So while one group of people may go this path and make these decisions, we have to look at why it doesn't work the same with another population of people and understanding that the influence of all the societal messages that we get that are framed very patriarchal Lee in a very imperialist you know, kind of system that we have, we have a little bit more Challenge is struggle to be able to step into owning and embracing who we are and our identity and and stepping into the power and significance that we have to offer the world.

Deneen L. Garrett  5:05 

Yeah, and you know what, as you're talking, I'm thinking how you gone deeper into represent representation matters, because it truly does. Oh, absolutely. So your work goes deeper into that and come, you know, with the research, etc, to really point that out. And also I was thinking about, for me, I pay attention to what I see. Right? I'm paying attention to corporations, you know, looking at the diversity page, what does that look like? Exactly? It baffles me often. And what I've seen just this past week, is that some of the pages, they're all They're not people of color. So I'm just curious, what type of diversity program do you have, where you don't have people of color in or in even looking at board, you know, their board structure in their leadership structure. So that is something that definitely stands out to me. And I know, a lot of other people. And that's why you're doing the work that you're doing?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  6:09 

Well, and you always have to even go a layer deep, because even the ones that have pictures of diversity, it still doesn't mean it represents what's on the inside. So you know, I always tell people listen and go look at a company, go on to LinkedIn, click on people, and see who work there. And they tell you really, if their representation matches the beautiful pictures of diversity that they have on their website.

Deneen L. Garrett  6:30 

And you know, what that part because that's the other thing like, oh, they have, you know, and that's the other piece to it, too, because they will have that picture, but it's so obvious. That is just right. It's just a we're just gonna put this here, you know, to kind of fake that we're Yeah, into that, and that we support that. But yeah, absolutely. If you look at the people and you still don't see, then yeah, that that is definitely telling

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  6:54 

And if you don't see people in higher echelons of leadership, right, because then again, you know, the other level two is that you look around and everyone who color is in lower level positions. But when you go into the suite, C suite, or to higher level positions, you're just not seeing the representation. And that's, that, to me is the worst problem.

Deneen L. Garrett  7:13 

Right. And that is definitely something that I noticed the other day again, doing this, you know, looking through some pages, I saw exactly what you just described. So yeah, and I was gonna say the great thing is, that's good work for DNI professionals, if the company is actually serious about making changes.

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  7:34 

Yes, yes, yes.

Deneen L. Garrett  7:37 

Alright, so we're gonna focus on women of color and elevating our voices, and you help professional women to stop hiding in the shadows of their brilliance. Unapologetically live life on their terms, and do the meaningful work they love. So what are some techniques that will help women of color do this and tap into their power and voice?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  8:10 

Yeah, that's a great question. I think the first step is to really understand recognize and embrace the talents and skills that you bring forth. We tend to as women, undermine ourselves and underestimate our talents. Right? You know, one of the exercises that I have my clients often do is what I call my hundreds list. And I'm just like, take a sheet of paper and write down 100 of your accomplishments, the things that you are proud of the wins the successes, the things that you've done, over the course of your life and career. And if people can get past 35, that's pretty much a high number. But when I pushed them on it, right, and have them work a little bit more and push a little bit more, they can eventually get there. But But most people actually get stuck at around 10. Because we just never take into consideration all the brilliance that we put forth, we take it for granted. We think it's nothing special. We think, well, can anyone do that. So it doesn't mean I'm special, because I know how to do that. So the problem for for us is that we completely undermine and underestimate the value and significance that we bring. So the first thing you want to do is to start owning that, start seeing it like get it out there so that you can look at it and actually see that you do have something of value to to contribute, you know, we get these messages and this is why you know, I do this work in tandem with understanding these societal things that impact us. Because we have, we have spent so much of our time with this message that we got to do better, we got to outdo we have to, you know, not sit on our laurels. We got to do twice as good as everybody else, you know, we have to show up. So we're always in this Ford motion of trying to one up in Be better and be better that we never stop to look back to say, I've accomplished this. I've done this. Yes, I have two or three degrees. You know, like, that's it. But but we'll say like that, but other people have to. Right. But that's phenomenal that you had the wherewithal to actually go through that course of study and successfully go through it. Yeah, that's well, I did you know, I was a big contributor to the fact that my company landed this multimillion dollar deal. But it wasn't all me, but you contribute it to it right? Your if your place, if you weren't there doing the work that you were doing, it would have never succeeded. I'd love to think about us, Katherine Johnson, from Hidden Figures as a great example. Right? She wasn't in the rocket, she didn't launch off. She didn't get to the moon. But it was her calculations that made it happen. But it would be so easy because she was hidden and people don't talk about that. But it would be so easy for even if she were to think well, but I wasn't the one that actually was in the I wasn't piloting at all, there was so many other people who were involved. Absolutely. There were other people involved. But it was her calculations, it was her contribution that actually put a man up there in space. Right. And so and we're so afraid to say that, like we're will say, Well, I was involved, as opposed to my work put a person on in space. Right. Right. So tell you exactly. I did that that would not have happened had I not been involved? Right. So it's not just it's the one that's acknowledging what you bring to the table. But to what's owning the value of what you bring to the table?

Deneen L. Garrett  11:44 

Yes, definitely.

Deneen L. Garrett  11:57 

Are you there? Yeah. I'm like, did you get frozen, this is beauty, beautiful tech town. So we have, you know, the embrace your talents, we have owning your value. And then where else from there?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  12:19 

And then from there, you know, the next step would be to make sure you're amplifying them. So once you know them, and you feel confident in them, is to make sure that you're letting people know. And through that process, I do a lot of personal branding as part of the work that I do. So it's how are you showing up in the digital space? Right? What is your LinkedIn profile look like? Are you creating articles are you creating thought leadership is putting your knowledge and value out there, so people know that you're the one that could bring this to the table, right. So it's kind of like, you know, if a tree falls in the forest, but no one's there, like, doesn't make a sound kind of thing, right? So you can be brilliant, but if nobody really knows it, if the people that you want to impact your target audience, your potential employers, people that you want to know of what you bring to the table, if they don't know all of the greatness that you have to offer than it did, then it almost doesn't really matter. So you want to position your thought leadership in a way that people can understand it. So I always tell people, LinkedIn is a perfect place to start doing that. If you have if you have your own website, even better, but if you don't, LinkedIn can be built like your own website so that you can self promote and market all of the genius that you have out there. Use it to write articles, right, you know, doesn't have to be 1000 word article, it could just be your thoughts around what you believe the way things should be based on your experience, based on your talent based on your skill sets and education. Right. And so just putting yourself out there and kind of amplifying, if you will, your voice so that other people can see what you have to offer is a huge part of the process as well.

Deneen L. Garrett  14:06 

Yeah, these are I mean, amazing tips to tap into your power and voice, right. It's, and it's that you can control it, you know, like you said LinkedIn like I'm huge. I'm a huge LinkedIn person. I'm a LinkedIn creator. As matter of fact, I'm speaking at a podcast festival next week on a panel talking about leveraging LinkedIn and our strategy. So I'm definitely that's awesome. Thank you. So I'm definitely a proponent. Now, would you say, at a surface level, what comes to mind for me is we don't do these things. Because at some point, we were taught to be humble. Yes. And I'm thinking just from this conversation for what you said earlier, it goes deeper. Right. So why were we to be humble? Why were we told not to speak up not to, you know, and brag, you know what I'm, you know, people right, like it's such a negative thing. No, it's not because again, if you don't Tell folks they don't know. Exactly. You know, exactly Sarge, in your experience your expertise. Why do we have a problem with this?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  15:11 

Yeah, well, it really comes from safety. Right? So a lot of the times throughout the legacy of our history in this world, we were taught to be quiet to play small to not draw attention, because it literally was a safety factor, right? We think of places like Tulsa, that got burned down, right, the Black Wall Street, we think about rosewood and other communities that when it seemed like we were leveling up and showing up, not just showing off, but just showing up in our black excellence, what would happen. And so when you have those experiences in our DNA, it teaches us to, like, play small, don't show up big, because it's a safety factor. Now, today, it's not we don't have to fear that in the corporate space. As much as you know, we are in the ways of like losing our lives, that it was the case back then. But it feels it still feels that way. Right. So when we get met with opposition, when we get silenced in a room, when we get talked over at a meeting, when we're told, you know, by our boss, or the CEO comes into our office and tells us ask us why maybe we seem to be emotional, or we seem to be a little more animated than usual, right, we get these microaggressions are these subtle little hints that we are kind of showing up a little bit too big and playing a little bit too strong. So we get these messages back to us that it's not okay, that it's not safe, that no, we won't lose our lives, but we could potentially lose our livelihood. And that's why it's really hard for us to do it. But if we start, if more of us would, you know, really work through getting over that and owning our voice and really speaking out and challenging the status quo. And honestly, I will say today, more than any time in our history, we are equipped and prepared. And I think the system is ready for us to take that place. And to stand up since George Floyd, a lot of things have shifted. And I think now is the time not to back down but to take those steps forward to be able to re formulate re educate our you know the people around us so that we can have a voice so that we can show up powerfully with the Crown act passing, you know, it being okay to wear our natural hair in the workplace, you know, those that laws being passed state by state by state and gaining a lot of momentum. So we're finding that there's a lot of things that are taking place that are making it okay for us to show up authentically. And when people start challenging us to actually challenge them back so that they can learn and that they can grow in their own development so that they're truly can be a place of belonging for everyone, and not just for the mainstream or the majority.

Deneen L. Garrett  18:02 

Yeah, you know, I had an experience where a manager, critiqued my social media, if you will. And the key is, is my social media. And when he in he didn't really go into detail as to what his concern or concerns were. So I just reached out to a couple of people and I say, hey, when you look at my social media, like what sense are you getting, and they each said that, you know, you care about other people, you're uplifting other people, which is my intentionality. And on the flip side, even if I were talking about myself, so what this is right, to do that, right, like what we're talking about, this is my opportunity to use my voice to use my power to speak about myself. And so So what, you know, and understand, you know, where that person was coming from, I did not challenge I did not push back, I just reached out to other people to get their thoughts, and who were in alignment with what my again, my intentions were. And again, based on our conversation, what we're talking about, so what, it's my, um, ample Yeah, because you're not, you're too busy trying to control what I'm doing.

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  19:12 

Exactly, exactly. And that is such a great example of what we have to guard against. Because when that happens, and it does happen, you know, we get question or someone will ask us a question or,you know, say, you know, make an assumption or that we're doing something through their comments. And so often what happens is we internalize that and start thinking, What did I do wrong? Like, it must be me. And what I always tell people do, to tell people to do is to question them to say, well tell me, what are you saying, that is uncomfortable? Right? I always say come from a place of curiosity. When someone says something to me, I'm always I always respond back with that is So I'm curious. I'm just I'm just wondering, why do you feel that way? Right? What made you want to say that? Why are you thinking x, y, z? Why did you feel the need to come and share that with me, I'm just never, never confrontational, but always from curiosity, and nine times out of 10, it usually stops people in their tracks. Because there's so people are so used to putting their stuff on you, and having you take it up and walk away with it. And what I encourage us to do is to hand it right back and have them do the analysis like, well, instead of saying, Oh, I hear what you're saying, or I agree, or let me go take a look at that say, Oh, that's interesting. I'm curious, why did you say that?

Deneen L. Garrett  20:48 

What makes you think that? Right?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  20:50 

Where are you coming from with that?

Deneen L. Garrett  20:53 

And I love that, right? Because I did not write you know, instead, I came up with my own, you know, which is I'm sure it was correct, right? What Oh, yeah. But you know, let's take away what you think and actually, you know, find out right and absolutely back in their core. So that is definitely something for us to is to ask,

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  21:13 

we have to stop owning other people's stuff, you know, owning their thoughts, owning their feelings, owning their beliefs, owning their fears, owning all of their stuff, because that is what instead of working through it themselves, they want to put it on you and say, Well, you're the reason I'm feeling this way. Therefore you need to change. And it's like, no, you're feeling that way. Because you're a human being is having feelings, I have no control over how you think and feel. Right, you have control over how you think it feels. So I invite you to entertain your own thoughts and feelings and not. Right, exactly. Exactly.

Deneen L. Garrett  21:54 

Sit over in the corner with your thoughts.

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  21:56 

Yes. Contemplate

Deneen L. Garrett  22:00 

several seats, right. So I want to pivot a little bit. I love this, though. I want to pivot a little bit. I honor my late sister, author and poet sold true by asking about dreams, the firm, which is the title of one of her books, please share a dream suffered moment?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  22:22 

Oh, that's, you know, that's an interesting question. Because I don't believe in living. You know, in regret, I believe that everything that I have done, and every step I have taken, every decision I make, I just believe this strongly has has been a value and of necessity to lead me to where I'm at today. It's helped, it's given me lessons and things to grow from to learn from, to think back and reflect on. And I just choose never to want to look back to think, Oh, I wish or if I or could have should have or, you know, I went that path. I don't think that way. You know, in terms of a dream deferred. And also, I also believe very strongly that we have so much more life to live. So any dreams that I may have, I still feel very much empowered to embark upon them at any moment in time in my life, that I don't think that just because I'm almost 60 that, Oh, well. I think wow, I have so many more years ahead to do so many more amazing things. And every day, every year, I can make a decision to say I'm gonna try this, I could totally stop my business and decide I want to do something completely different, like all that is available. And I think for me, that is when a dream is deferred is when you feel like you don't have the options, that when you feel like it's too late for me, or I'm too old for that. Or are you know, I should have done that, you know that. And I don't have that much time left that that to me is is how you differ dreams is when you believe that you can no longer dream and that you no longer have the opportunities to like go after live your best life in the way that makes sense for you.

Deneen L. Garrett  24:20 

And I love that. I love that. And that's really you know why I made the decision to retire when I did. Because I wanted to go ahead and just start living fully right. I wanted to start with my dream lifestyle. And so for me, I had to decide what that was and it evolves right so what it was, I've added to it right this year I'm going bigger. And so that's what my focus is I empower women of color to live a dream lifestyle and your how you live which is basically you're living your dream lifestyle you're choosing to live now and you know if you want to do this thing, there's still time to do that thing and it's that's a beautiful way to approach life. Like there's, there's time. And you know, you have choices. So did you know talk a little bit more about what a dream lifestyle is for you what it means to you, and how you are living a dream lifestyle. So beyond, you know, like, oh, you know, I'm choosing to do this today. Tell us a little bit more go a little deeper?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  25:19 

Yeah, that's a great question. That is such a great question. You know, and I think it's a question that everyone needs to ponder and answer, right, because it's totally different for everyone else. For me, it is freedom, like freedom is my mantra. So for me is the freedom to be able to create because I'm such a creator, I love creating content and information and articles and materials and videos. I'm and I think by nature, fundamentally, I'm a teacher, right? So I love to learn something and then give it back, and then to teach and share so that other people can benefit from it. So for me, it's having the freedom to be able to be creative, to impact to touch lives, to share information, and to be instrumental in helping other people along their journey to make the best possible decisions that they can make for their life. So as long as I'm able to do that, and I say that, and I'm hoping what people are hearing is that I'm not saying a title, I'm not saying running a business, I'm not saying it's a job, right, it's not tied to any external thing is completely intrinsically motivated, and internally driven. And when I worked with women about trying to find your genius, find that thing you're meant to do in the world, this is what I'm talking about. It's like, what does it mean for you to be able to realize and operate, you know, in your dream, and then your genius, because knowing that about me, what that does is open up opportunities for me to do exactly what I said, in a multitude of ways. Right? Everything that I said I could do it as a lawyer, I could do it as a teacher, I could do it as a trainer, I could do it. You know, as a podcaster, I could do it in organizations, I could do it for myself, right? As long as these tenants that I just talked about, are being able to be lived and operated as I could, if I could be free to be able to teach and form, motivate and inspire and encourage other women to to take control of their lives and step into their dreams. I can do that in so many different ways. And because I know that I'm not limited to just a job or just a thing, right? And it gives me so much more choice and opportunity in my life, which is incredibly exciting.

Deneen L. Garrett  27:43 

Yeah, and you know what, I remember a mentor a few years ago, you know, saying to me, like, I'm like, oh, I want this particular title. And she's like, Well, why do you want that. And she pushed me to focus on what I wanted the job to be the career to be what I wanted to do, what I wanted to accomplish. And so I took I take that approach today like these, this, I want to live, right. And so, you know, for me, I'm like, you know, praying, and I'm like I'm attracting and manifesting. This is how I want this dream lifestyle to look now however you decide to manifest that I'm open to that. So we get out of boxes when we do that, right. Focus on Well, what do you want that life to look like? So think about that. And then back into it. Right? And then yes, so many different opportunities to be able to realize that Yeah,

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  28:33 

yeah, I always I have I talked about the five why's so anytime you say the one thing just ask yourself why? You know, like, just like the person that worked with you like, you want that title? Why do you want that title? And then when you answer that question, why is that important? And then just if you get down to like, five why's if every time you answer the question, you ask yourself another why you'll get to the heart and soul of what really matters, right? Because we're so used to kind of being superficial and you know, pulling out things that sound right and seem right. But when you go deeper, you really get to the heart of what really matters to you, and what's important to you. Yeah, yeah, ultimately, I would love to I'm thinking about, you know, my kids were like, No, but I would love to move and live overseas for a while just live in Europe for a little bit. You know, I think that's on my agenda. In the next couple of years, I've been looking at places to just like put up shop and just like kind of experience life from a different perspective for a while.

Deneen L. Garrett  29:27 

What's number one on your list?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  29:30 

In London, primarily because, you know, I know the language. Right, right. You know, but, but being there, you know, it allows you to, like take quick jobs to like Paris or Scotland or other places, you know, relatively quickly. So about Italy because I've gotten there a few times and you know, they speak enough English I think you could survive, you know, but yeah, I love Go hang over there. My daughter has studied abroad in Scotland as she loves there. And she's always been talking about going back there. So I think, you know, somewhere in that area, I love the history. I love the culture and just to be someplace different for a while, I think always opens you up to a variety of perspectives and ways of thinking.

Deneen L. Garrett  30:15 

Yeah, no, absolutely. And I'm with you on that I can see myself not necessarily like, loving, but maybe spending, you know, time in different places. Yeah. And I want to spend a little time here or there for those different perspectives. And just because we can, right, because that's, that's how because we can. Yeah,

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  30:33 

totally. Yep. Exactly, exactly.

Deneen L. Garrett  30:37 

So before we wrap, what would you like to leave the guests with?

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  30:42 

Oh, you know, there was a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald that I love that talks about and I'm gonna paraphrase this horribly. But basically, he says that the quote is, is something like, if you're unhappy with where you are in your life, I hope you have the courage to go after whatever it is that does make you happy, right, that I hope you have the courage to throw it all out in terms of where you are now, and go after what matters to you. Right? And so I horribly paraphrase it, but it's one of my favorite posts because that's, to me, that's what it's saying that it's never too late. And even the quote, he says, it's never too late to start over. It's never too late to go after your dreams. So definitely, if you feel you're not on the right path, have the courage to just go after what makes sense for you. Ask yourself, what matters, and then let that be your priority.

Deneen L. Garrett  31:33 

I love that and what a great way to end so Dr. Carol Parker wash. I have truly enjoyed this conversation. I thank you for lending your voice to an intimate conversation with women of color and enjoy the rest of your day.

Dr. Carol Parker Walsh  31:47 

Thank you, you too. You're welcome.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai