Harnessing Power and Finding Purpose as Women of Color with Demarra West

Deneen L. Garrett: 00:02 00:21 This week's guest is Demarra West, founder of Be Well, Beautiful Woman, which is a global wellness community focused on liberation and joy so all women can live and lead on their own terms. Demarra, tell us more about you and Be Well, Beautiful Woman.
Demarra West: 00:22 01:21 Absolutely. Well, Deneen, first and foremost, I'm really, really grateful to be here with you on your podcast. You know, as you said, the work is all about helping to support women in sacred, individual and communal space so that they can really harness their power and center joy in everything that they do. So, you know, we help people do this in a myriad of ways, including day and overnight retreats, a group mastermind coaching container. Be My Sister's Keeper, which is a virtual online community. And then the Be While Beautiful Woman podcast and a lot of things in between like summits. I've got this as an abundant summit coming up in December. So we offer a lot of different opportunities for women to really tap in to their power so that they can live a life that's rooted in their desires on their own terms.

Deneen L. Garrett: 01:22 01:43 And I'm definitely all about that. I'm all about being my best self, which we'll get into. And definitely, you know, what Be Well is about resonates with me. So share the highlights of your retreat. You mentioned one coming up in December, your group coaching, wellness and business support, and your The Be Well, Beautiful Woman podcast, which you also mentioned.

Demarra West: 01:44 06:03 Yeah, absolutely. So, um, we just wrapped up a luxury retreat that happened, um, this past weekend, so four days, three nights. And typically when I'm with individuals in a day or a overnight retreat experience, I think about the environment that we're in, you know, so it's always an immersive natural setting considering that nature, uh, on its own helps the body to heal itself. And then when you connect nature with somatic practices, like a forest bathing experience, which ignites all of your senses. It allows you to get that much more out of that experience. And then offering, you know, other kinds of activities that are really centered on that individual and collective healing. So, you know, for the overnight retreat, for example, we started every day with gratitude and yoga and different kinds of yoga that people can apply in real time in their lives and really slowing down the practices and helping people to connect with their breath is a major focus. And then there were some lessons on, you know, abundance and mindset. and how to harness joy and peace and really experience life in a flow state. So there are many lessons that we're focused on. We had a releasing ceremony, which is really powerful when we're releasing limiting beliefs and we're releasing unforgiveness and anything that's essentially holding us back. And then downtime, of course, to enjoy the property. So the property that we had it at, it's called Hook of the Hamate, and there's a steam room and copper tubs, and there's a hot tub. And you know, a deck on every single floor and two and a half acres of nature that the home is surrounded in. And so, you know, lots of time to engage in that and then really great food, right? So I have a great relationship with a woman owned catering company and that just does decadent meals. So when you're, you know, having this eclectic experience where you're eating well and you're taking care of your temple well and you're feeding your mind and you're connecting with nature and you're in a like-minded space with women who are also on that journey something deeply magical happens and of course there was a full moon as well on Friday so that certainly helped us out and I would say that you know everything that we do and so that's that the retreat experience And whether we're talking about the group mastermind coaching or the virtual community, Be My Sister's Keeper, or, you know, a podcast episode, everything centers around well-being and how we can practice that day in and day out. And not from a reactive standpoint, but from a proactive standpoint, so that when life lifes, we're more resilient, right, to deal with that. And everything centers around you know, the co-creation process and harnessing our power and finding out what our purpose and our passion is and connecting with, you know, the world in a way that is supportive of our evolution and really asking for help. And, you know, so there's a lot of things like this that resonate in everything that I do and every speaking engagement, every training, every summit. So, you know, you talked about the last thing I'll say is that The abundance summit is actually happening in December, and that's going to feature you know many women who are living their lives fully as possible, and will serve as sources of inspiration for us to also step more into living a fully aligned life and experiencing the beauty of what flow can do and how you know, people, and I say this often, are our number one pathway to prosperity. So, you know, connecting with people, asking for support, being able to receive support is really, really paramount so that universe, God, source, creator can get us what we're looking for that much faster because people are the number one way that they use in order to speak to us and bless us in a myriad of ways.

Deneen L. Garrett: 06:03 06:14 Yeah. And so, I mean, everything that you're saying, I love it, like I am envious of the space that you all were in this past weekend. Where exactly were you?

Demarra West: 06:14 07:01 Yeah, so Fennville is, you know, I'm based in Kalamazoo, Michigan, which is right smack in the middle of Chicago and Detroit. So Fennville is towards Chicago. It's about an hour from me. It's close to Saugatuck and just a beautiful area. that is conducive to what I was looking for. And I wanted to be in a home where we could all reside together and, you know, where we could take advantage of a myriad of things that help, that feel like a retreat, right? You want, you know, I call it the luxury retreat because I want to give people a luxurious experience because they're worthy of that and to do it in a very holistic way.

Deneen L. Garrett: 07:01 07:08 Absolutely. And I'm actually located in Detroit. So that's just a, Quick little ride, I think of that.

Demarra West: 07:08 07:38 Oh, I love, I love me some Detroit. And in fact, I'm going to be in Detroit in a few weeks. Hopefully you're attending Black Tech Weekend because it's going to be an expansive time since I was at the one in Cincinnati a couple months ago and they announced this Detroit stop. And if you're not planning on going, I would highly recommend that you go at a minimum. just for the networking opportunities, not to mention just amazing content.

Deneen L. Garrett: 07:38 07:45 Oh, wow. So I'm looking up now. I'm actually presenting. Oh, I see Issa. Oh, hold on now.

Demarra West: 07:49 08:28 You know what? I don't know. I don't know if he's going to be in Detroit, but Isa was in Cincinnati and once, Oh girl, it was, it was led. It was such a beautiful interview. And you know, all the reasons why we love Isa, she just shined in that space. It was, it was beautiful. So I don't know if she's going to be in Detroit, but even if she's not in Detroit, um, the people that you're going to meet and network with, I mean, it was such a beautiful experience, such a beautiful experience. You can swing it even just one day sis, I would highly recommend it.

Deneen L. Garrett: 08:28 08:53 Yeah. I'm like going through the, just scrolling through and I'm like, okay, okay. But yes, I was going to say, I'm actually presenting, uh, moderating the panel. for Women of Color STEM on Saturday. But again, that's Saturday versus this whole, so we'll figure it out. But anyway, thank you for that. Of course, of course. You know, you've mentioned this, and I want to know more about this force bathing and tapping.

Demarra West: 08:53 13:53 Yeah, absolutely. So forest bathing, it started in Japan in the, I would say, 1940, somewhere in there. That's when it was first documented. And ultimately, it just involves you being in a natural area and allowing yourself to be fully immersed in that. So you're completely unplugged. You don't have your phone you're you're being intentional about the igniting of all of your senses so you're taking in all the smells, the sites the sounds and really allowing nature to pull you in. Based on a very individualized pathway, you know, I mean, God speaks to us through everything. And nature is one of the ways that not only it was built for the beauty of it, but it also helps us to ignite the body's ability to heal itself, right? And so when you're in a natural environment and you have the phytochemicals and you're slowing down and you're focusing on whatever is drawing you. It's a really lovely experience how nature manifests in answering our deep seated questions or giving us clarity that we need or helping us to really focus on something and just bringing us delight in real time. And there's tons of benefits that come about from a forest bathing experience from reduced anxiety to being able to sleep better to. being more creative. There's so many amazing things that can happen just being out in a natural environment. And then tapping is a form of energy work. And, you know, whether we're talking about the major organ centers or chi centers or chakra centers, depending on, you know, what school of thought we're talking about and what cultural connection there is to it, whether that be India or China or Western medicine for that matter, what it ultimately involves is the tapping of certain parts of the body that will help you to release old energy to make room for the new. So let's say that somebody is struggling with I don't know, let's say that somebody just had a problem at work, and they can't get over it and they're having major issues with their supervisor and they want some relief around this they want some clearance around this, you would walk someone through, you know, they would tell you this scenario that they're faced with, and then you would walk them through a. EFT process. So, and it starts at the top of your head, over your eyebrows, the sides of your eyes, underneath your nose, underneath your chin, the middle of your chest on both sides, right underneath your armpits, and then the side of your hands. So the goal is that if somebody starts at an eight, and that's how glaring the problem is, that by the time you walk through a tapping session, you want to get people down to a two. Because the idea is that, you know, I mean, we're all energetic beings and everything is energy. And what energy workers believe, and the originator of Reiki, which is also a form of energy work, Tai Chi is energy work. And so the idea is to move out any blocked energy in the body that is creating emotional and physical ailments. And so in the energy world, we believe that mental and emotional blocks come about through blocked energy. And that if we can remove blocked energy from the body, we're keeping our flow state, we're keeping our balance state, our homeostasis state, so that our body and our mind can perform in its optimal best, right? A lot of times we can't move forward, we're stuck, right? And we know people who are stuck. And so the idea of energy work is to help remove the energy that's keeping us stuck to make room for new energy to recycle through. So the last thing I'll say about this is, I begin every single day. It's rare that I don't practice Reiki on myself, even before I get out of bed. And part of that is just about keeping my energy clean for me first, and then for the people that I'm called to reach through my efforts.

Deneen L. Garrett: 13:53 15:17 Yeah. And so what I want to definitely highlight for those that are listening as one, you're taking care of yourself first, right? That's what you just said. so that you can take better care of others, right? And then also those that are listening, especially in the corporate space, actually any space when you're working with other people definitely need to tap into this energy, right? Because we've all worked for that boss at some point that, you know, comes out of a trick bag on us. So we have to definitely you know, keep charge of ourselves, tap into our energy, keep it flowing, keep it clean, to be able to move through those situations, because we will find ourselves in those situations at least once in our lifetimes. I was just having a conversation with someone earlier today who, you know, moved from one situation with a with one of those bosses and then ended up in another situation with a similar type boss, right? And where she is now, she's happy and she attracted and manifested her new space. However, again, we will find ourselves in those situations, right? Leaving it doesn't remove it. So having coping mechanisms and ways to be able to energize ourselves and to take care of ourselves is what we want to look for. So thank you for sharing all of that.

Demarra West: 15:17 18:40 Yeah, yeah. And I just want to, I want to add something really quickly to what you shared. And it's thematically around, you know, much of what we've talked about today. Keeping our energy clean allows us to always be in a power play position. Right. And so we can certainly clear energy through Reiki or EFT or Tai Chi, but also somatic practices that allow movement, like a yoga practice, right? Walking outside, like because our bodies are meant to move. And when we're not moving, what's happening to our energy, it's stagnating. And so we can, you know, literally motion energy off our body, we can imagine energy, old energy being leaving our body essentially, but then also just movement that involves the slowing down, integrating the breath with movement, that allows also our energy to be cleared, right? So there are formal ways that we can certainly remove locked energy from the body, but then there are, you know, anytime we're moving, we're actually in part releasing energy. And then when you couple that with breath and with certain kinds of movement, Um, then, you know, it helps to elevate that even more. Um, but this is about, you know, ultimately understanding that everything we do, everything we feel is ours and ours alone. And I think so often we, you know, put the Honus on other people if we're harmed. Right. It's like, well, you made me feel this way. Well, no, no one really made you feel that way. That thing did trigger you. to it ignited you to feel this way, but that's your reaction to it, right? And everybody's not going to react the same way, depending on what, you know, with the same issue, right? You can grow up in the same household and four people can be experiencing the same thing, but only, you know, all four of them can actually respond to it differently. Why is that? Well, because there are so many parts that make us who we are. And So I always tell people that, like, this is why it's so important to really understand the power that we have with our words and our thoughts, and to understand that everything that's happening is a spiritual unfolding for us to teach us something. So when those moments when that we're triggered by something, I think getting curious about, well, what does that mean? And how do I then, um, make sense of this for me and make sure that my energy is clean around this so that I can respond in love so that I can respond in love for South. So I can respond in love for other people so that I can make sure that as I heard someone say, and I've been saying this a lot lately, that my heart. and my hands are clean no matter what manifests around me. And so that energy work allows us to be able to have the room that we need so that we have the clarity that we need so that we can operate from a place of desire and not allowing our emotions to cripple us or to be in control. We are ultimately in control of even the emotion as it manifests. Yeah, so that was long, but I just didn't want to leave without saying that additional component.

Deneen L. Garrett: 18:40 18:48 Absolutely. It starts with us. And again, it goes back to the reason why we should take care of ourselves first. Because there's so much writing on that, right?

Demarra West: 18:48 19:23 Yes. Yes. We cannot say that enough, right? I don't think that saying will ever get old. Because the reality is that we know that even with all the knowledge that we have around this, with a greater focus on this, knowledge is so much different than embodiment, right? Just because we know doesn't mean that we do. And so I love that the just the simplicity of that message and because it is never, it's never going to be played out, we will always have opportunities presented to us to take better care of ourselves.

Deneen L. Garrett: 19:23 19:51 Absolutely. So this podcast women of color and intimate conversation is about. empowering women of color and elevating their voices. So what led you to this work, especially as a woman of color? And what three actions can women of color take to tap into their power and voice? Like we've talked about movement, breath, you know, leads to that good clean energy. But let's, you know, three specific actions. And again, what brought you here?

Demarra West: 19:52 29:16 Yeah, absolutely. So of course, the collective of my lived experience brought me here. But more specifically, when I became a therapist back in 2010, I had a level of awareness that I was becoming a therapist because of my trauma. I think we know this on some level. But what I didn't realize was that even though I really saw my trauma as something That was in the past that was behind me right because you know i'm successful and i'm college educated and i'm married and i'm a mother and i'm you know all these things that we check off our list that you know oftentimes brings us a sense of. delusion right about what it really means to be well right we we believe that a lot of times doing well is, you know, all the things that were socialized where are you making enough money are you educated are you, you know, all of these things that at the end of the day. I found were meaningless, you know, without a sense of real well-being centered at its core. And so I didn't realize it was Me Too, and that's actually the name of my book, you know, Me Too, A Therapist's Journey to Heal from Complex Trauma, Find Liberation and Joy, because it wasn't until years later And I actually stumbled upon a women's incubation program a global program that had very few women of color and and and my response to that was to then curate something that we could essentially call our own and I was thinking it was really about business but I later found out that it was about wellness. Right. And so when I first started on that journey, I was called something totally different and the focus of my work and what it looked like was totally different. And then I had this epiphany that not only me too, but that us too. And that whether we're coming from trauma or not, if we're looking for healing, even if we're not looking for healing, we're looking for liberation. And the reality is, is that all of us are sick to some regard, because all of us have been conditioned to not care for ourselves. We've been conditioned to, particularly for Black women who carry the weight of so much. I don't know anybody who carries more weight than a Black woman. And certainly, you know, my Indigenous sisters, for sure, they, you know, if you're a woman of color, for sure, but I don't know I don't know anyone who carries more than a Black woman in terms of how we hold it down for our partners, our children, our communities. We are usually at the forefront of justice movements. We're usually at the forefront of innovation. We are out there rolling up our sleeves and toiling and having to contend with supporting everyone. And so What that tells me is that whether we have come from trauma or not all of us needs liberation and we there's a coming home that I think is very important that we can only integrate with through internal work of That's centered in the things that we've talked about, our power and understanding that we co-create our lives all the time anyway. So why not co-create a beautiful life? Why not co-create a life that's rooted in pleasure? Why not co-create a life that is rooted in your deepest desires, not the desires that have been put on you Um, based on our family, I, you know, ideas that derive from our family and our community and the society as a whole, about what it means to be woman, what it means to be black, a black woman, what it means to be a black queer woman, what it means to be whatever those identities are that are uniquely ours. in this lived experience. So, you know, I believe that everything in my life prepared me to get to this point. And there were very distinct moments that led me here doing this work with Be Well, Beautiful Woman in the way that I do it in sacred individual and communal space that is geared towards indigenous practice. That's by design based on This desire for all of us to be well but particularly those who have historically. not felt like they had the permission to live a life of ease, right? Like this whole grind culture is fascinating to me because it's killing us, you know, like it's killing us. And if it's not killing us at worst, it's killing us at best because it's depriving us day to day of lived experiences of joy, and peace and abundance in all forms. And anytime that we are living a life incongruence to who we were put on this planet to be, and we were put in this planet, our birthright is to have joy and it is to have peace and is to have abundance in all forms. And we just don't know it, right? Because that has not been a part of our socialization. And by the time you think about a child, right, when children come into this world, they come into this world with a sense of curiosity and truth. Like, you know, if you want to know the truth, ask a baby, you know, ask a child, because they're going to tell you the truth now. And a sense of wonder and precociousness and play. But by the time that a child is about five, their ability to create and to be this free, wild being has been quieted by their environment. And that becomes that much more pervasive for women and particularly women from an intersectional lens when we're talking about the varied identities of a woman. And to be a woman is one thing, but to be a Black woman, that's a whole different experience. That's a more layered, a more nuanced experience. I'll end that part by saying that I think that every experience we have is preparing us to and trying to get us to a space of alignment, of truth. And so everything across my lifespan from the trauma to now has prepared me to do the work that I do. Right. And what I love about the journey is that, you know, I didn't set out to do any of this. Honestly, if you would have told me, you know, as a kid that I was going to be an entrepreneur, that was not in my. my, my scope. I didn't, there was no awareness about me, you know, becoming a therapist. There was no like drive for me to become a yoga teacher and a Reiki master. And like, but these things, when they presented themselves, I just knew that that was the right pathway. I didn't know what, how I was going to use this stuff. Um, but I did know that I would get the answers when I needed the answers. So I'll just, I'll, and then the three tips really quickly, um, that, that I want to share that I are, my go-tos have to do with, you know, my Reiki practice, do doing that energy clearing work. Um, Stepping into gratitude, gratitude is one of the most powerful ways that we can get back to the present moment and to connect with self and to connect with other people in a really meaningful way. So it's a way that we can access joy pretty rapidly. So I love gratitude as a practice. And then also breath, like breath, it's the only system that we have in our body that you know, just automatically works. We don't have to think about breathing. It just happens. We just breathe. And when we can just get into our breath, even three times of deep inhaling and exhaling, that has the ability to bring us again, back to the present moment. It has the ability to calm us, to give us room and to have the clarity that we need to be able to find the solution that we're looking for. It's a beautiful, super accessible way for us to center ourselves. So yeah, breath, that energy clearing, gratitude. And then the last one is just setting intentions. I think that when we set an intention, this is my bonus one, there's real power in that. I just had a meeting today with someone that we had quite a bit of conflict before we went into this meeting. And what I said to myself before this meeting was, help my heart to be clean. Like, help me to, I want to build a bridge. I want us to find a solution. I want this person to feel like I'm their partner, right? And it was a magical meeting. I couldn't have designed it better, but it was the intention that carried me to show up with a sense of commitment to building this relationship. It was important to me to do everything in my power to have a good outcome. So those four things I think alone are game changers.

Deneen L. Garrett: 29:16 30:32 Yeah. And I definitely, you know, see the power in all of that. And especially with the intention and we can even call it different things. But, you know, when you the awareness around certain things being intentional about certain things, they do definitely yield results. Right. I, you know, shared a situation where like men, I don't notice men. Right. And then when I said, you know what? I'm really focused on this. And so now I started noticing them. And when I say noticing, meaning noticing them, noticing me. So that was something that just totally went over my head until I said, OK, this is a priority. This is important. This is something that I want to experience. So now I'm noticing it. Now, we talked a lot in the very beginning about self-care, the work that you're doing in general, the work that you're doing in your retreats. And, you know, that's kind of answering what I asked about the power in the pause. So you're teaching people how to pause and how powerful it is when you pause. Again, you know, the joy, the peace, the abundance. I wanna, you know, ask about Dreams Deferred, which is one of the titles of my sister's book. My late sister, author and poet, Soul True, wrote a book, Dreams Deferred. So please share a Dreams Deferred moment.

Demarra West: 30:34 33:11 Yeah, my book is definitely a dreams deferred moment. It is 16 years in the making. From the first time that I said yes to writing a book, it was 10 years before that when my father, may he rest in peace, told me I should write a book. I was 16 at the time. But it took 10 years from that point to even know I wanted to write a book. And then a lot of, coming in and out of writing over the last 16 years from that moment. And what I know to be true is that I wasn't supposed to write the book then because I've changed a lot. I'm very different than who I was when I first got the call. And every moment that I showed back up to write, I'm different. And writing from a place of power and truth versus writing from a place of victimization, it took me 16 years to get to that place of healing to where I could share my truths and do it in a way that was rooted in humanity and the lived experiences of those who harmed me in part because they're doing what they know and not allowing people to like, we're accountable for every action that we have, right? And people's karma is gonna be their karma. My karma is gonna be my, I don't have to do anything to you to bring harm to you because your actions is all that you need to be brought harm or goodness, right? For that matter. So, like what it feels like to be in this final stage of draft draft, like with the goal of, um, I'm releasing the book by the fall. So I have December 1st, everything done. Um, I, it's an indescribable feeling for me and I'm actually very emotional right now. This is the first time I've been emotional about like this, this process and the completion of it. Um, and knowing how important this is to me to get the story out in the way that I'm writing it and to give people hope that, you know, their lives can be drastically different than where they started. Right. And giving people practical insight into that. So that's a that's a big dream deferred moment for me.

Deneen L. Garrett: 33:11 33:26 Well, congratulations. Right. Sixteen years in the making. And, you know, there's no timestamps on dreams. Right. When from the time that we drain them to the time that we actually actualize them. So before we wrap, what would you like to leave the guests with?

Demarra West: 33:30 35:29 Yeah, I think what you just said about the fact that it doesn't really matter, as long as we have breath in our body, as long as we have mobility, as long as we're here on this planet, we can be in pursuit. I think that we tell ourselves that that chapter is done. I'm too old to do this. I'm too this to do that. The time has passed me by. But that's just a construct. Right. And I just read about someone who got married at the age of 86. Wow. And, you know, there are there are these moments when it's a reminder for me that like. It's never too late. Love can come any time. We can carry out that purpose at any time. We can write that book if that's what's calling us. We can have aligned relationships. We can make more money. We can do whatever it is that is calling us. It's never too late to be who we were always intended to be and to do the things that we were always intended to do. And so if you're, you know, if this resonates with your listeners, I would love for them to just take one action step towards the life that they want towards that dream deferred. And knowing that that one action day in and day out can have such a ripple effect. And it's, you know, it's sometimes it feels like one little action is not, it's nothing, but like one little action is, is more than nothing. Right. And each time we put one foot in front of the other, um, towards that thing that we want, we're one step closer to, to making that thing, that thing come, um, to fruition.

Deneen L. Garrett: 35:29 35:42 Absolutely. So turning that dreams deferred into a dream life. Damara West, I appreciate your voice. Thank you so much for lending it on women of color and intimate conversation and enjoy the rest of your day.

Demarra West: 35:42 35:50 Oh, thank you, Deneen. And thank you for the expansive work you do in support of our well-being. I really appreciate you. My pleasure.